If you’re constantly making plans you don’t really want to do, saying yes to everyone and often find yourself going along for the ride – this is for you. It sounds like you’re a people pleaser. You tend to put the needs of others above your own, and maybe you make decisions based on feeling like you ‘should.’

It makes sense. As women, I think we are expected to be selfless. We are conditioned to be mothers and caregivers. However, choosing those roles vs. falling into them are two very different things.

I believe this is a major roadblock when it comes to living in alignment with our true selves. If we aren’t truly making our own decisions, we aren’t actually living on our own terms.

Here are 3 things you can do to break old habits & patterns as a people pleaser

Let people be disappointed

As a recovering people pleaser, I know the feeling of wanting to ‘keep the peace’ all too well. Making decisions with you first in mind might make people uncomfortable or disappointed. Here’s what to do in that case: let them have their reaction.

Unfortunately, no matter what we do, we’ll never be able to make everyone happy. That’s not our responsibility anyway. We need to drop away the burdens that are not ours to carry, such as the opinions and feelings of others.

Make choices based on core values

When you’re not just along for the ride anymore, you have to start making choices based on what truly suits you. This can be overwhelming, even paralyzing at times and that’s a perfectly normal feeling.

You might not know what you want for yourself right at this moment, however this is a great time to refocus on what’s important to you. Make a list of your core values, what are 3-5 things that are non-negotiables for you? Make decisions with those in mind.

Empower yourself with tools and support

This work you’re doing is invaluable – and can be really difficult. It’s not easy to break out of established habits and patterns, especially when you feel like you may disappoint people you care about. Just know that you are not alone.

From here on out, it’s your responsibility to surround yourself with people, books, podcasts, social media etc. that align with your energy. You need to become obsessed with your life and the way you want to show up for yourself. You need to become the most important thing in your life, you are your first priority. Ask yourself, how can you support that mission, what’s missing?

Now go fill those gaps.

As you navigate the journey of living from a place of alignment it might not always feel easy. You’re moving out of your comfort zone, that can be unnerving and confronting. It’s ok if it takes time. What matters is you’re conscious that something has to change, and you’re taking action on it. Don’t let discomfort stop you, you got this!